BACK TO THE GIRL I ONCE WAS

It’s a wild, wild world out there; so easy to lose oneself when walking down the street, let alone one’s journey from year to year. Nearly ten years ago, I set about finding the girl I once was before life ran away with my time.

I can now say I found her, and I now am her. However, I am equally done spiraling back and ready to go forward, free and clear. I am lucky to have become what I always wanted myself to be, and isn’t this the point of life here on earth… creation?!!

Tahoe Boho's Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

One must strive to see their truth, their true self –

Then go about creating that destiny.

Today, however, I clearly feel the ache of another passionate life trying to break through. My young soul was always searching for what I was missing, and this old soul only has curiosity for adventure. And I like this old soul!

Transitioning into empty nesters has been all the emotions of the rainbow, and well worth the journey that I hope will keep unfolding. The emotional pangs and unanswered yearnings are all reminiscent of past transitions, especially those in adolescence, and then being a young adult; the unknown, possible regrets tugging at heartstrings, wishes for dreams I never knew I had, and a bit of fear of loneliness sprinkled about.

Life isn’t about ‘finding’ yourself,

Life is about ‘creating’ yourself.

Joy is being willing for things to be as they are.

Let it flow

Watch it grow

There’s so much we don’t know

Set it free

And you will see

You are the one that is freed

Today is day five of my third battle with chemo, which means a whisper of myself starts coming through the fog; food even sounds a bit tempting, but still not ready for that cup of coffee that used to smell so good!! I have 5 more rounds to go, then a year of immunotherapy infusions; will be a long haul, but I happen to be very lucky to have a husband that takes such good care of me.

Which brings me to another joy I am grateful for, and that’s the studio, Tahoe Boho. Who knew I could have such fun creating lotions & potions, designing jewelry, connecting to people and helping them connect with themselves for strength and perseverance.

I was on this path back in my twenties; writing, trying to hone my eye in photography, making jewelry and painting pottery. Whatever I was, I sure have become what I was meant to be back then. I suppose that was the purpose of my first battle with cancer; I healed by returning to those creations, by going back to the girl I once was.

My cancer battles tend to auto-correct my life a bit, and allow things to flow through me again, rather than my usual push-back resistance game. I allow myself to take life in, and to truly see what choices I make in this one crazy life.

So this battle, this third battle, I find myself looking forward to the adventure that awaits me after I heal; and yes, adventure can be defined in a myriad of ways, just like any other label. Hope you come along for the ride with me, will look forward to the connections we make.

Allow life to be messy… and remember, you are far more interesting than your looks ever were ;-)